3rd Ramadhan has passed. I had an interesting day today. Well, last night, I dreamed of Izzemal. Geez why it should be him doh? Ughhh it's weird but it's kinda sweet pfft nope! It's weird. As I woke up, I took time to istighfar istighfar and istighfar. My heart beats really fast. I thought it was just shaytan but then I remembered that there is no shaytan in Ramadhan. But I don't want myself to indicate that it was like a sign or something (because I haven't thought about him before I slept), because Izzemal and I are ughh no more, hard pass! haha. So, I just assumed that it was a test by Allah. I don't know what's the test for, but seriously it's creeping me out!
Somehow that dream scared me off and I don't know, I feel like the dream is my sins that chasing after me. Yup, I remembered someone told me that sins are like knocking a nail onto a wall. Even you pulled out the nail, the damage is still there. Can't be fixed. If I can picture my sins through the nails and wall, my wall would be like super ugly that nobody would ever want to have it as background of a photo. Too ugly. Lubang sana sini.
Wouldn't be fixed at all? Would you also be scared running from your past, your ugly past, until you hold your step and you're afraid to move forward?
Your sins, your past. Nobody knows. Only He knows them. He is the One who hide your skeletons in your closet. But you know yourself better. Even if anyone doesn't know, you know it and somehow these skeletons keeps haunting you.. So, where to run? - Yes, run back to Him.
"Say, 'O my servants who have trangressed their souls (by sinning), despair not of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful" (39:53)
As what Yasmin Mogahed has stated, Allah does not only clean back ourselves from the sins that we've committed. He also polished it. You can be brighter and shinier than before you've committed sins. Who says that the wall would be damage forever? Run back to Him, He would help you. He will. It's a promise. :)
My whole day runs well. I took a bus to go back to Subang sobs. Again, I was tested during the whole journey, with lots of people here and there at the train station. There was a woman yang suka hati potong queue....
"Ehh minah ni aku se...(tak sempat sebut 'sepak')...wuishh astaghfirullahalazim" *inhale exhale*
Haha kelakar. So, yeah. Till the next post. Daa!
"Maka datanglah sesudah mereka, pengganti (yang jelek) yang mensia-siakan solat dan memperturutkan hawa nafsunya, maka ,ereka kelak akan menemui kesesatan.
kecuali orang yang bertaubat, beriman dan beramala soleh, maka mereka itu akan masuk syurga dan tidak dirugikan sedikit pun" (Maryam:59-60)
Me, Myself and I