We Decide but Allah Decide Too

In the name of Allah..

Assalamualaikum and hi everyone.

It has been forever since I type in here, so awkward to re-read back all my previous blog posts. Some are quite cringe, some are quite impressive for a 18-21 year old of me?! Cant believe I have that so many ideas and I was quite shocked that I am a bit chatter here than in reality. And here I am, at 27 years of age, trying to write and type again here hehe. 

Recently, Ive experienced a big thing at this phase of my life, which really moves me until I have the courage to get in here. My ideas just flow through my head and my mind, and I just cant possibly held it any longer. Plus, posting my writings in igstory is just exhausting as its very limited and very public?! I chose to share it right here because it takes big effort and curiosity of my readers to read what I would like to share. 

Its mainstream and cliche but I want to share my own experience of istikharah :)

Well, I am one of the poeple who actually did not quite believe of the power of istikharah. I once just think people talk or did istikharah just to spice up their love/marriage story, and I think it's just plain nonsense because people have been telling all sorts of weird dreams or petunjuk after istikharah. Like, do you think this is magic? Just like how people recite ayatul kursi to kononnya chase out evil spirits, walhal reciting ayatul kursi is to strengthen your faith so you will ignore the evil spirits. 

Until 1 time I attend Aiman Azlan's online class on Prep for Marriage. The online class was amazing. 3 hours of eye-opener session, really. And one thing I learn from his class is about istikharah. Just to summarize, prepping for marriage involves istikharah of being the 5th step of making decision (after setting out your principle, setting your goals, taaruf, musyawwarah). You have to go through all 4 steps prior to istikharah. And from that class, Aiman Azlan also shares a fruitful talk on istikharah by Sheikh Abdul Nasir Jangda, (click link to watch) which again blowing my mind away. 

There is famous Hadith about Istikhara in the book of Bukhari, volume 2, book no 21, Hadith no 263,

Jabir bin Abdullah RA said,’ Prophet Muhammad PBUH used to make us learn the way of performing prayer of Istikhara, just like he used to teach us about any of the Holy Quran. If anyone of you wants to do any kind of work (with right mindset), he must offer two Rakah of prayers other than the obligatory prayers then recite the Dua for Istikhara.’

How istikharah gives its magic? 

Misconceptions #1 Istikharah did not help you choose between 2 decisions. 

It's actually helping you to strengthen on your faith of the outcome of your 1 decision. For example, I was torn between choosing red or blue car. After, studying, asking opinions, comparing to my principle, I decided to take the red car. And so I do istikharah then. 

Misconceptions #2 Istikharah guide is not through your dreams nor your weird magical blows or whatsoever 

The guidance comes in many ways you can never imagine. Some let your heart feel at peace with it. Some makes the matter smooth for you. And in some case, you did not get what you even thought you have decided. 

When did my experience come into this whole process?

Well, I actually have made a decision on proposing a person. Haha. Yeah, I am a girl with big balls :p After learning about istikharah from syeikh Abdul Nasir Jangda, I took a big step to actually practise it. I do it every day for almost a month. 

So what is so powerful about istikharah that I talk so much about it? 

Here I attach you the doa translation of istikharah

O Allah I seek Your counsel by Your knowledge and by Your power I seek strength, and I ask You from your immense favour, for verily You are able while I am not, and verily You know while I know not and You are the knower of the unseen. O Allah if you think that this affair, is good for me in relation to my religion, my life and end, then decree and facilitate it for me, and bless me with it, and if You know that this affair to be ill for me towards my religion, my life and end, then remove it from me and remove me from it, and decree from me what is good and wherever it be and make me satisfied with such. 

Okay this whole doa is really brilliant. But I guess most of us like the 1st part of the doa, which we ask Allah to ease our way if the choice we made is good, or avoid the choice from us if the choice is actually bad. I agreee that is wonderful part of the doa, but I would like to highlight the most most most and most powerful part of the doa that could actually make me cry, really.

It's the almost end part of the doa that makes istikharah super powerful 

'......and decree from me what is good, wherever it be and make me satisfied with such...' 

Why this line made me cry? Because not only we ask Allah to help us on making that decision, but also if the decision is not good for us, we ask Allah to grant us the better things, good things out of the choice we made, no matter how, or when or where it might come from (wherever it be). Beacuse He is the knower of the unseen, perhaps the good thing for us comes in a way that our mind cant even process how to. Subhanallah amazing the bomb dot com! 

And not only that, the last last last part of the doa, we ask Allah to make us satisfied with what may come to us. Whetehr our choice is not on our side, or the good thing comes to us unexpectedly, we ask Allah to make us satisfied with that!!! Because Allah know how hard, how difficult a human being to actually redha on things that is not on our favour. Subhanallah amazing times two the bomb dot com!!! How can one not cry reading this doa?!

Now come to my reality, I found strength from this doa and istikharah. A week prior I got the answer of my istikharah, my heart somehow know what it's going to be, and somehow I became not so hopeful on my choice. But I kept on doing it anyway, and indeed the istikharah is not just for me making sure I am making the right decision, but actually was prepping myself to be strong and acceptable on what the outcome will be, Why? Because of the half end part of the doa. I know Allah will decree to me good things for me and Allah will make my heart satisfied in any way. 

And really, I was lying if I said I don't feel sad at all, but the period of sadness or disappointment lasted few moments. Really, I could do worse if it's not for Allah strength He provide to me haha. I actually feel more loved, and I get to see the bigger picture out of it and I just feel peace. Its undescribable feeling, but perhaps you can try to experience it. 

You can do it anytime, Just 2 rakaat, not necessarily last 3rd of night. You can do it anytime, really. 

I guess that's all for now. Happy to finally typing this. I hope everyone are always under His protection and may Allah grant you all endless happiness. I have few more ideas in future blog posts, fingers crossed I have the courage and effort to make another blog posts. Till next time everyone.

Love,

Qiqilalalola :)

The Blue Notes

Azhar stared at his iced tea. The ices melted forming a layer of plain water on top of it. 

"What are you thinking sweetie?" Sue asked Azhar as she realized that something was running through her husband's mind.

"Nothing" Azhar denied. He forced a smile to Sue. Sue is his everything; his queen, his happiness, his baby, his lovely wife and everything nice. "She doesn't deserve anything bad at all" Azhar thought to himself. 

But, lots of things going through his mind right now.

He just got his monthly salary, but those money were spent for house rent, household expenses, and all his daughter's necessities; milk formula, diapers, nursery fee etc. Malaysia living cost keeps exhausting people like him right now. Perhaps that's the reason people are fighting and cheating on other people's money. 

"Ohh honey. Look at this. Someone is selling cute dolls here. They are so cute! Can we buy this for Lily? She loves Mr Patrick!" Sue said with full of excitement in her eyes. Oh Lily. Azhar's princess; just like Sue, she's also his everything. 

Azhar took a peek in his wallet. "Which one should we buy for her?"

"Lily definitely will love this Mr Patrick. Ohh but this Strawberry Shortcake looks cute too!"

"Let me ask her if we could take both for only RM30. If not, maybe next time okay sweetheart" Azhar tried to explain without feeling guilty.

"Ohh, yeah I forgot. Nevermind, dear. If we don't have that much money, it can wait" Sue smiled.

******************************************************************************

"Sure, sir. You can take them for 30."

The young couple soon came to take the cute dolls. They just rode a motorcycle with their daughter sitting in front inside the basket. They look so cute and sweet.

"Here the money." Azhar counted again.

"Thank you for buying" Anna received the money. There were lots of blue note and only one red note. 

Anna felt touched. Somehow it reminds her of how hard for her father to buy her toys previously. 

She remembered how excited she was to get any toys from her Dad, even it's just less than RM5 stuffs. 

She remembered how her father checked all his pockets to see any notes left there so that maybe he could buy something for her. 

She remembered how her parents took her everywhere by just riding a motorcycle.

She remembered how Gracious God is for giving her family all the things she have now. 

She remembered. 

"May God bless your family too sir. Surely God will give you. You just don't have to worry." Anna pray quietly.

Good but Not Good Enough

Anna is a girl who has always been trained to be the best. Well, when did she start to be like that? Perhaps it all begun when she started to read when she was just 5 years old. Her family is not that rich. She just went to a public kindergarten; not Smart Reader Kids, or any other great kindergartens. At the age of 5 years old, she was able to read the newspaper by herself. Thus, her parents thought that their Anna has big potential. 

So, she went through her primary schools, trained to always be the best. Good is always not good enough. When other kids were struggling in finding excuses to have the worst exam result in class, Anna, on the other hand, always struggling to find excuses to just be the second best in her class.

Anna : Mommy mommy mommy!!
Mom : Yes, Anna. What is it?
Anna : I get the 2nd place in class for the previous exam.
Mom : Why aren't you the 1st?
Anna : ............

*********************************************

Anna : Dad, I got 2nd place in previous exam. Again..
Dad   : Wow, that's great!
Anna : Can you just not tell Mommy?
Dad   : Why?
Anna : Err nothing....

*********************************************

Mom : You got 6A+ 2A??? What happen to this Biology and English?
Anna : Ohh haha. Perhaps it's the examiner??! Hee.

Anna is an intelligent girl. Everyone say that. Not only in academic, she is great at many other things. She loves to write. She wrote since 12 years old. Basically, her mini diary to start with. She is a good leader. She was a prefect during her school days, even got to be one of candidates for the student council. An excellent prefect who always got her job on point. All the teachers know her, love her and care for her. She has interests on sports; netball, futsal and dodgeball always be her favourites. She also loves acting. She always starred in inter-class drama in school. Not only that, story-telling and poem recital are things that she enjoyed participating. She also good at traditional dance.

No, this is not a happy story! Because good is never good enough. This is Anna's reality!

Good at writing but not good enough for her stories to be read by many people like other writers could be.

Good leader but not good enough to be selected as a head prefect (due to such small size she has; that's how leadership works, or perhaps it was) or even enough to be voted as a student council because everyone hates her when she speaks the truth.

Good at sports but not good enough to win a team (That's why athletes have their own talents; if they are great at one sports, definitely they can conquer all)

Good at acting but not good enough to be selected into the school drama team.

Good at story-telling and poem recital, but not good enough to get the 1st place. (Guess the number 2 loves Anna so much they cannot be separated)

Good at traditional dance but ......... not good enough to divide herself between classes and dance class.

Last but not least, she's good in her studies, but not good enough to be the top scorer in her medicine class. 

Yup, good is never good enough.

It makes Anna sad. It gets her exhausted to be the best. She couldn't make it no matter what. No, Anna do feel grateful for what she has and what she could do. It's like she has so many nice ice cream flavours in her fridge, but they are all just Nestle, not Baskin Robbins. And when people come and ask her which flavour that she has is the best, she couldn't tell which one. 

Anna has always been taught to always be the best, perhaps nobody tells her that to give the best is better than to be the best. How could that differ?

Give = Effort

Be    = Result

Most of us also always miss this key of life. We have been exposed to only how important the result might be rather than to know how to put the best effort regardless the results. Potential. Potential is not the ability of one person of thing to be the best, Potential is the ability of a person or thing to upgrade themselves to become better and better.

Anna does not need to be the best in each thing or even one thing she's good at. She just need to improve herself. Her potential is not to be the best writer, the best doctor or the best leader in the country. Her potential is to be the best of what she can be. The best Anna that she can be. 

Don't worry, Anna! You're awesome no matter what people think. Perhaps your Nestle ice-creams could be upgraded bit by bit and you can have the best flavour for people to taste it. Or if people don't like how it tastes, never mind, you can it and enjoy it by yourself :)

Lots of 'Buts' (Just A Spillage)

Hello!

It has been months since the last post. What makes me dropping back here? Well, I miss to write. But I don't know what to write. (Fyi, I have like 4 assignments to submit and I haven't started any). A day back, I talked to one long-lost friend. He mentioned of making a journal which he haven't done any before. And that is how I get to log in back here. 

I love to write. Really really love to write. I love it till I have the thoughts of making it as a career (whenever I started to hate medicine). Come to think of it, nope! I may like it but to get it as my career, I don't think so. Writing needs lots of inspiration. Writing needs creativity. Writing needs you to read a lot. And the most important is, writing needs you to write. 

As to update you guys about me, well I don't know. I'm currently in euthymic (neither happy nor sad) mood. Why am I not happy? I feel quite empty lately. Didn't know is it because I've been left alone the whole weekend stranded at home while others are enjoying holidays at home, or is it because I feel like losing passion on everything, or is it me myself feels too lazy right now. And why am I not feeling sad? Because I have no reasons to feel sad about. 

I want to excel in my studies,
But here I am typing this.
I want to be a good writer,
But I keep scrolling my phone instead of writing.
I want to keep myself happy,
But I keep avoid things that I should do to make me happy.
I want to be a positive person,
But negativity is much more fun to keep in mind.
I want to be free from everything,
But I didn't will to let things go.

I probably should have a cup of coffee and start my assignments right a way. I plan to have a makeover on this blog and my writings. Sorry for this shabby post. Need a place to spill over other than for the sake of updating. 

Life is empty?

qiqilalalola

Beneath The Success

Assalamualaikum and greetings :)

Just a typical boring day. Well, it's always boring when it comes to semester break BUT once new semester starts, we'll be looking forward to next break. Back to the boring day, scrolling IG and twitter is a must. One thing that caught my sight is a photo posted by a friend, telling that he attended a talk by some medical students (if I'm not mistaken). He asked them on what is the biggest challenge being a medical student, and so she (one of them) replied, "It is of course when God let us succeed in something is the biggest challenge for everyone of us..."

Wow indeed it strikes my heart! Truth vs Me 1-0!

Ohh it's Saturday. "Asam Pedas Untuk Dia" is showing at 7 till 8. Well, isya' is around 8.30 so yeahh still can perform Maghrib right after watching the drama. And so, Maghrib at 8 it is. And reciting Quran after solat like usual. But hey, how about reading some tafsir afterwards? To my surprise and regrets, God said this to me;

"Dan apabila manusia ditimpa bahaya, dia berdoa kepada Kami dalam keadaan berbaring, duduk atau berdiri, tetapi setelah Kami hilangkan bahaya itu daripadanya, dia (kembali) melalui (jalan yang sesat), seolah-olah dia tidak erdoa kepada Kami untuk (menghilangkan) bahaya ang telah menimpanya. Begitulah orang yang melampaui batas itu memandang baik apa yang selalu mereka kerjakan."

(Surah Yunus; 12)

Truth vs Me 2-0! Game over.

God made me fail so I could plead and beg Him and ask Him and cry to Him and just depend on Him. Only Him. He then helped me and what He got in return? Maghrib at 8! And many other mistakes more. You played the game well Qilah, you just played well! Astaghfirullahalazim. Nothing more I could do than to perform solat Taubat (again) and ask for His forgiveness. Because indeed, He is the Most Forgiving. And alhamdulillah He still remind me. He still knock this heart whenever it got engrossed with some worldly things.

And this is story on success. Yeap, success story is not always good. At least, I realized now. Hope you do :)

Aqilah Rosli

Good Memories Don't Harm, Reality Does

#np 5 Seconds of Summer - Amnesia

What a mess! Time time ni lah jugak mood mengemas datang. Okay jugak lah. At least, dapat lah jugak tengok meja study ni bersih. Bersih dari segala habuk yang berkepuk. 

And there, a brick red coloured book!

Dah lama aku tak sentuh benda ni. Nak pegang pun takut, apatah lagi nak baca. Sedangkan tak baca pun, aku still boleh ingat isi kandung buku ni, apatah lagi kalau aku buka benda ni. 

Bismillah.

Berkepuk kepuk helaian kertas keluar. Tiket wayang. TGV, GSC, Cathay, you just name it. I've got them all. Tiket public transport; Arwana, ETS. Woww. I kept these things all this while?!

Satu persatu helai buku tu aku selak. Baca setiap baris ayat yang ditulis. Tak sedar yang diri ni tersenyum sendiri. Gila. Gila-gila  tersenyum sorang ni pun aku rasa, lagi gila aku yang tengah tulis ayat-ayat diari tu. Gila gembira mungkin. Terlalu gembira. Ketika tu je lah.

Lagi lama mata menghadap buku ni, lagi lama senyuman gila ni terasa pahit. Sampai menitis air mata pun tak sedar. Mungkin senyuman ni bukan senyuman gila gembira macam ketika tu. Sebab bayangan silam mula masuk track 'replay'. 

Satu moment, rasa sakit dada. Do good memories are meant to hurt us? Or the bad reality destroys those good memories and making it painful? Yes, life must go on. But how can I move on and forgive when I can't forget? I don't even know how memories work. 

beep..(Whatsapp; 1 new message)

"you should smile. sebab benda yang kau teringat tu benda yang baik. bukannya tak baik. Apa omputih kabor, sweet memories. Jangan salahkan those memories. Those are good memories. You feel pain because you can't accept the reality, not the memories. I know it's hard. But you need to keep trying to let things go. Betul-betul ikhlas."

Betul juga. The thing is I still can't let go, even I fake it. Konon nak apply 'fake it till you make it' but not with this one. Tak lut. 

Aku tutup buku merah tu. What will I do with it pun tak tahu. Dah lah buku ni cantik, nak dibuang sayang. Nvm. Letak je lah dengan buku lain. They're good memories anyway. No harm. 

16th Ramadhan 1435H

Assalamualaikum and greetings :)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. This post is special I guess. I'm typing with lots of love. From the deepest of my heart. Cause this 16th Ramadhan brought some lessons to me. 

I woke up for sahur. Had the chance to make fried rice. Alhamdulillah. Sadly, I was performing subuh prayer alone, cause Fathin was in the toilet for quite sometime and everyone else are still sleeping. I felt really sleepy to wait for others, so I performed subuh prayer by myself and jumped into my bed afterwards.

To my surprise and full of disappointment and frustration, I opened my eyes at 12. I missed dhuha, I missed my group discussion, and literally I missed the whole day! I was really really and really frustrated that I can't even do anything else. I gave up. The day is over. That's it. I wasn't able to do anything pun. 

I am really disappointed with myself. I laid my body onto the couch and closed my eyes again. I gave up! I kept mumbling and sighing aaaaaa T.T

Then, I remembered that my girls and I are going to have iftar at Islamic International University (UIA) Gombak then. Grrr thank God I managed to get my ass into the shower again, AGAIN! Then, yeap we're heading to UIA. 

As we reached there, the view and the environment were fascinating! We met Kak Khaulah. She bought us some food and so we have our iftar at the mosque. Lots of people there. And the mosque is very huge! During iftar, I saw a Palestine donation and so I gave some. Remember, it's a test from Allah. I don't want to fail it again!

Then, we performed maghrib prayer. There as a short tazkirah after that. The speaker is presentable I could say. His language style memang coolio habis! Rasa nak dengar lagi dan lagi. He talked about an ayat in surah As-Sajjadah where people REGRET after the truth has been revealed from their God, but by that time, everything was too late. He told us not to waste our time. You must ensure things that you do NOW would not make you regret afterwards. You have only NOW. And by now, you should do everything the best that you could. Cause Islam told us to do best and achieve the best in everything. Not to just PASS in something. And there are 2 types of people who regret; 1- They regret, but then they keep improving from time to time. 2- They regret, but they give up. They don't bother to improve cause they believe that Allah has made them that way, so they just want to be themselves without improving anything. So, which one are you? Which one is me? I am that in no. 2 sobs T.T I gave up to things for today. Padahal the time is still there. I supposed could have good zuhur, good asar and the whole good evening, but I gave up so soon. His tazkirah really striked me to the core of my heart. Lessons learnt!

And so then, we performed tarawih. Until 8 rakaat, I moved to the back, cause I usually do only 8. I read quran for a while. Nadia was continuing tarawih. But then, Fathin also joined them. Danggg! They are so tempting! I don't know, but I could feel like Allah is seducing me hahahaha. And I'm afraid to feel REGRET of not doing 20 while I was in UIA (a good place, good environment). Alang-alang dah sampai tempat baik, baik buat benda baik sehabis baik :) Dah serik rasa menyesal, so better join them. Alhamdulillah, achievement unlocked! 

I was smiling when I thought back how tempting the jemaah is, until I succeed to join them haha. After tarawih, we decided to go for food hunting hihi. The night sky is so bright. It was so peaceful. :) So, food hunting begins. I suggested to go to Char Kuey Teow Mali's Corner Danau Kota. Hahahaha. Lama tak makan char kuey teow woi! So, char kuey teow here we come! I was nervous too to reach there cause, y'know Mali's Corner is located in Taman Bunga Raya. I've been there with Izzemal once. It's really near to his grandmother's house. Fuhh. But I thought nothing would happen lahh, Izzemal doesn't like char kuey teow anyway. "Mee mee je lah, mengada nak char kuey teow. Pelik kot kuey teow ni!" Yang pelik here is him actually, kan? Char kuey teow tak pelik okay! #TeamForeverCharKueyTeow Wait, why I talked about him anyway? Next!

We lost the first time finding Mali's Corner. Hahahaha jumpa rumah Cik Mali kat corner jalan rupanya. Gila doh waze ni. The second trial was a success. Jumpa pun! So, yeahh. Mari makan char kuey teow! Again, time time ni lerr, memory came. $#1+ I kept myself to be strong, remember Allah, remember I only want to bring my girls eat, not to bring the memories. Fuhh. But yeahh my girls also are really helping. They make me smile and laugh. They don't even know I've been here with Izzemal. Let it be. I enjoyed the moment. 

After fulling our tank, hahaha we went home. Again, lost here and there. And again, memory came. Izzemal and I usually got time going out together and when it's midnight and we're on our way back to Subang, there were slow songs in the car, empty street and silent moment. I enjoy that moment. I really did. (hahahaha mata berkaca danggg) But things that I thought good for me, might not actually good for me kan. Only He knows while I don't know. But nevermind, that day, Allah let me enjoy the moment again but with my girls. Now I know. He didn't get me into places and situation that I've been before to cause me pain or to reminiscing me back what has passed. He puts me here to teach me that I still could enjoy the moment, such situation with other people, with people that He chose to be there with me, with my girls. :D Cause that good moments didn't come from people, specific people, it comes from Him, through things that He had chosen. Lessons learnt!

So I stopped reminiscing those things. I chose to enjoy the moments that Allah bring to me.

Allah loves me so much, He guided me with many lessons and through many situations. I only need to reflect. That's all. Fuhh.

Today's tafsir;

"Dan alangkah ngerinya, jika sekiranya kamu melihat orang-orang yang berdosa itu menundukkan kepalanya di hadapan Tuhannya dan mereka merayu, "Ya Tuhan kami, kami telah melihat dan mendengar, maka kembalikanlah kami (ke dunia), nescaya kami mengerjakan kebajikan. Sesungguhnya kami sekarang telah yakin" (As-Sajjadah:12)

Love,

Me, Myself and God.

6th Ramadhan 1435H

Assalamualaikum and greetings :)

Sorry for the delay on posting the updates. Can't find time to switch on this laptop. So hye! It's 6th Ramadhan and it's the first day I get to fast! Aku baru nampak anak bulan ni. Hahaha lambat sikit.

Ohh I didn't have the chance to perform tarawih but alhamdulillah able to have sahur that morning. I ws so excited to perform solat subuh aaaa how I miss to pray! Alhamdulillah get to perform subuh prayer berjemaah with housemates and it was so overwhelming. I cried, like really cried yang sampai hingus terkeluar semua. Because I know that I'm not a good woman like how people thought I am. I had own skeletons in my closet, and I cried to smell them because they're really really stink. :'( And the moment I got to sujud, I can feel that Allah is there, is really really reeeeaaallllyyy near to me. It feels like hugging a person. That moment, it was really soothing me. I feel peaceful. Subhanallah!

And ohh I had my OSPE exam today. But because I slept late last night so I had to replace my sleep time after subuh. I know I know it's not good but I'm afraid that I would be sleepier during the exam wuwuwu I'm sorry T.T But after tidur tu, I forced myself to perform solat dhuha nak bagi segar. Then, I taught my housemates something on biostats. It's a satisfaction to teach people, even aku tak terer sangat nak ajar orang ni. Siap-siap semua, walk to Taylors because Kimi asked me to study with him. 

Wuishh I thought shower and solat dhuha are enough to make me not feel sleepy but I was wrong. Dah kalau tidur pun takat 3 jam memang tak lahhhhhh!!!!! So, I took 30 minutes nap haha. 

Alhamdulillah He ease me in the exam too. Thank you Allah and all friends who help. :) Yeaayyyy exam is over!!! To end the 6th Ramadhan, I attend an invitation to iftar with PERKIM at Bangunan Felda Jalan Gurney, KL. I thought it's just a small occasion but then I was so surprised to enter the big hall with lots of people, many vvip's and Tun Mahathir also was there. Hahahahaha. 

Alhamdulillah baru frist day puasa, Allah grant me a great event and tonnes of great food for iftar. Hahaha I ate a lot, like really a lot. Nasi, kuetiau, bubur, cakes, fruits, potato wedges aaaaaaa makan macam puaka! Hahahaha. Too bad I didn't perform tarawih aaaaa I hate myself and I want to slaughter myself! That's why aku berat hati jugak nak attend event gini bulan puasa ni cause your attention is on the food, and you forgot who grant you those food totally. What a selfish human being I am! :'O Alhamdulillah sempat tadarus a bit on bus before the iftar. At least, I've done something beneficial today!

Till the next post! Daa.

Love, 

Me, Myself and I.

4th Ramadhan 1435H

Assalamualaikum and greetings :)

Hey little creatures :D May Allah grant you all His blessings! So, today was 4th Ramadhan. I woke up early, with the intention to make quick du'a (can be considered as qiyam :) ), alhamdulillah I made one. But since everyone dah bangun jugak, seems there'll be lil distraction haha. So the du'a is not that deep. Sebab takut lah pulak orang nampak then tegur kot tiba menangis kang. So, yeah. How I wish if all our doings, we feel like there is someone watching us. But most of the time, we won't feel it. Too sad isn't it? 

But nevermind, I went through my morning well. I smiled all the way to Taylor's. I don't know why but I felt happy. What a blessing! Alhamdulillah. Keep praising Him again and again for the strength and happiness that He has granted. Reached library, prepared to study, then I make another du'a. This one really buat mata berkaca. Hahahaha again, don't know why but my lips keep repeating "thank you Allah. Engkaulah sumber kekuatan, tempat aku bergantung, satu-satu nya yang menolong" (skill pikat Allah for today: checked!) aaaaa k mata berkaca lagi hahaha. It's not that I feel sad, but I was like too happy to have Him right now. No words can't describe this feelings. 

The whole day went well. I was having group discussion with Syaira, Am, Shadow, Kimi and Acap. Great time, alhamdulillah. I'm not the person who like to study in group but I joined them because I'm afraid I would get into unnecessary thoughts suddenly. Even I am the one who was joining them, but I feel like they are the one who came to me, (feels like Allah brought them to me). 

I spent solat time reading Reclaim Your Heart. Keeps filling this heart with the love towards Him every second as possible as I could. And managed to read tafseer from surah Maryam. And managed to had great iftar with the discussion group. I smiled with my heart being surrounded by these people. Yup, smile with heart. I was happy and yes, these people are also a gift from Him for me today. Sweet hee. Even these people don't do much to make you happy, but if you know their presence is by Him, you will be happy. Aku tak rapat pun dengan Am, dia dah lah suka buli aku. But time discussion tadi, it's not that bad. Happy jugak lah. Haa gitu. 

So, basically my day went well. Sorry for the late update and simple post. Gotta prepare for exam tomorrow. Wish me luck! and my friends too. 

Today's tafseer;

"Ibrahim berkata: 'Tidak ada orang yang berputus asa dari rahmat Tuhan nya, kecuali orang-orang yang sesat" (Al-Hijr:56)

Love,

Me, Myself and I

3rd Ramadhan 1435H

Assalamualaikum and greetings :)

3rd Ramadhan has passed. I had an interesting day today. Well, last night, I dreamed of Izzemal. Geez why it should be him doh? Ughhh it's weird but it's kinda sweet pfft nope! It's weird. As I woke up, I took time to istighfar istighfar and istighfar. My heart beats really fast. I thought it was just shaytan but then I remembered that there is no shaytan in Ramadhan. But I don't want myself to indicate that it was like a sign  or something (because I haven't thought about him before I slept), because Izzemal and I are ughh no more, hard pass! haha. So, I just assumed that it was a test by Allah. I don't know what's the test for, but seriously it's creeping me out!

Somehow that dream scared me off and I don't know, I feel like the dream is my sins that chasing after me. Yup, I remembered someone told me that sins are like knocking a nail onto a wall. Even you pulled out the nail, the damage is still there. Can't be fixed. If I can picture my sins through the nails and wall, my wall would be like super ugly that nobody would ever want to have it as background of a photo. Too ugly. Lubang sana sini.

Wouldn't be fixed at all? Would you also be scared running from your past, your ugly past, until you hold your step and you're afraid to move forward?

Your sins, your past. Nobody knows. Only He knows them. He is the One who hide your skeletons in your closet. But you know yourself better. Even if anyone doesn't know, you know it and somehow these skeletons keeps haunting you.. So, where to run? - Yes, run back to Him.

"Say, 'O my servants who have trangressed their souls (by sinning), despair not of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful" (39:53)

As what Yasmin Mogahed has stated, Allah does not only clean back ourselves from the sins that we've committed. He also polished it. You can be brighter and shinier than before you've committed sins. Who says that the wall would be damage forever? Run back to Him, He would help you. He will. It's a promise. :)

My whole day runs well. I took a bus to go back to Subang sobs. Again, I was tested during the whole journey, with lots of people here and there at the train station. There was a woman yang suka hati potong queue....

"Ehh minah ni aku se...(tak sempat sebut 'sepak')...wuishh astaghfirullahalazim" *inhale exhale*

Haha kelakar. So, yeah. Till the next post. Daa!

Today's tafseer;

"Maka datanglah sesudah mereka, pengganti (yang jelek) yang mensia-siakan solat dan memperturutkan hawa nafsunya, maka ,ereka kelak akan menemui kesesatan.

kecuali orang yang bertaubat, beriman dan beramala soleh, maka mereka itu akan masuk syurga dan tidak dirugikan sedikit pun" (Maryam:59-60)

Love,

Me, Myself and I

2nd Ramadhan 1435H

Assalamualaikum and greetings :)

Hey it's 2nd Ramadhan? How are you and your iman so far? Could you beat the nafs or not? If yes, that's good. If no, go baby! You can do better than this!

So my 2nd Ramadhan was okay but still below my target. I slept during Isya' (as I can't perform taraweeh) until 11 p.m. I don't know why but I felt so damn sleepy astaghfirullahalazim aaaaaa T.T Luckily I woke up at 11, so I managed to study a bit while watching tv.

I'm afraid that I won't be able to sleep back after studying as I've slept for a while. Alhamdulillah He manage to close this eyes before this mind gets into unnecessary thoughts haha. I realized that I was awaken during sahur but my body seems cannot be oriented to move to the kitchen haha. All I could do is like open my eyes, and I think I mumbled something macam "ughhh nak doa please nak doa....doa...aaa...ngantuk...aaa...doa...ya Allah ampunkan dosa aku....mmm" while my eyes still half closed and then I moved my body to other side and continue to sleep hahahaha. 

 

Seriously, I don't know why human body would be like extremely weak kalau period. Tak tahu nak salahkan period or what but I could only do the best that I could. This morning, I woke up and still I got my eyebags. Hahaha pebenda lah siot dah tidur pun eyebags merata??? Aaaaaaa. Took shower and recite mathurat, study, then have time to clean my house, cause Allah told us to do good to our parents kan? :)

“Dan kami wajibkan manusia berbuat baik kepada kedua ibu bapanya, ibunya telah mengandungnya dengan menanggung kelemahan demi kelemahan (dari awal mengandung hingga akhir menyusunya) dan tempoh menceraikan susunya ialah dalam masa dua tahun (dengan yang demikian) bersyukurlah kepada-Ku dan kepada kedua ibu bapa mu dan (ingatlah) kepada Akulah jua tempat kembali (untuk menerima balasan).” [Surah Luqman ayat: 14]

I'm having lunch then hihi and I start loving kurma so much. I started eating kurma last year, after being forced by Izzemal and my father haha. But now, seems it would be my target to eat a kurma a day during this Ramadhan. 

But I still feel something is not enough. So, I recited mathurat after asar and make du'a (a real from deepest side of heart du'a). Few drops of tears streaming down on my face, reminiscing how many sins that I've committed. Allahu. Only He is able to hide those sins from other people, cause if it's not His Rahmah, nobody, no one is able to get close to me due to all my sins.Now, that's made my 2nd Ramadhan complete.

Today's tafseer;

"Hai orang-orang beriman, janganlah kamu mengikuti langkah-langkah syaitan. Barangsiapa yang mengikuti langkah-langkah syaitan, maka sesungguhnya syaitan itu menyuruh mengerjakan perbuatan yang keji dan yang mungkar. Sekiranya tidaklah kurnia Allah dan rahmat-Nya kepada kamu sekalian, nescaya tidak seorang pun dari kamu bersih (dari perbuatan keji dan mungkar itu) selama-lamanya, tetapi Allah membersihkan siapa yang dikehendaki-Nya. Dan Allah Maha Mendengar lagi Maha Mengetahui." (An-Nur:21)

Love,

Me, Myself and I

1st Ramadhan 1435H

Assalamualaikum and greetings :)

Hey people! Salam Ramadhan. As Ramadhan comes, where the shaytans have been tied, I just want to clarify some things that I would do during this whole month of barakah. Some interesting things (well, might be). Memandangkan my usrah group (hello geng usrah! *lambai lambai*) ada some kind of Projek Diari Ramadhan, so yeahh I think that it would be easier for me and for everyone if I could make it through here yeayy! Diari Ramadhan Qiqilalalola hiks. I'm going to update on daily basis (after every 'asar if possible). Plus, I'm muting myself on twitter for this month cause twitter suxx (even you're giving positive thoughts, people would always throw negativity on you) ;D 

 

So, where to start? It's 1st Ramadhan. I guess Allah opens such a wide blessed door for me to get into Ramadhan by detaching me from my boyfriend yeayy! Well, it's kinda sad for like 60 seconds, (yes, 60 seconds) but I don't know, instead of crying for the whole day, I chose to say Alhamdulillah, went out with my homies and have an evening date with my father :) Izzemal and I had so much fun for the last year being together, and none of us cheated on each other, but guess there's no jodoh between us. Well, some mixed food would be tasty like choc banana cake, and some might not. Basically, Izzemal and I are like those that cannot work out. And now I know that even our full effort cannot buy love. Love is so priceless, no matter how much effort you put into, if Allah says NO, it won't work out. :)

I don't feel sad that much because I have prepared for this loooong time ago, since we're no longer talk to each other. It's just only me that don't have the strength to let him go totally. But on that day, Allah lead my way and I was ready to leave everything behind. Ceyy, engko tiap kali break baru nak cari Allah kan? Hahahahaha I know you would have that question on your mind but for me, I always forget and kalau Allah tak buat aku break, mesti aku tak cari Dia. So, I don't mind if it happens again and again and again, as long as I find Allah after that.

My mistake to put him in my heart when Allah just lend him for me to be held in my hands. I've crossed my borderline, and that is why Allah detach him from me. Allah jealous tengok I dengan Izzemal. Comel! :D I'm the one who cheated on Him. Always. Again and again. That is why I am so grateful I'm in this situation so I would have ample of time to date Allah this Ramadhan, to fall in love with Him deeper and deeper day by day (sorry macam sexcited terlebih, orang baru jumpa kekasih baru kan? hiks)

Allah took away a guy from me, but He replaced it with something precious, my housemates, Syaira, Addin, Syamil, Fathin and my beloved funny family and of course, His Light. Subhanallah! Basically, I don't lose anything at all. I am currently reading Reclaim Your Heart by Yasmin Mogahed and it was awesome and I'm reading it on the right time. See how Allah arranged the events for me?

Enough with past love story. Haha, so how was my 1st Ramadhan? Little bad as I can't fast. wuwuwu but I had an awesome day, reciting mathurat, repeating zikir everytime I was distracted by that thought on Izzemal, and start listening back to our song (I mean, Allah-and-I-song). That's all that I can share for 1st Ramadhan. Projek Memikat Allah ni insyaAllah diteruskan sepanjang Ramadhan and I hope you would pray the best for me. Good luck too in your Projek Ramadhan :)

Love,

Me, Myself and I.

Sebab Orang Tak Makan Cadbury, Aku Tak Suka Cadbury!

Assalamualaikum and greetings :)

Yoo waddup guys? Sihatkah perkhabaran anda semua? Harapnya semua sihat and happy. Cause healthy means complete physical, mental and social well-being. Physical, ok? Mental,ok? Social, ok? Apa? Feel lonely? Spend time dengan member please, segera! Haha. So, dah lama tak menaip and thanks to Nik and Anis housemate tersayang sebab kalau bukan sebab diorang mention aku pasal blog petang tadi, aku takkan tergerak hati nak menaip balik hee. 

Wait, what? Aqilah senyap dari blog sebab tengah busy bercinta? Ahahahahaha mestilah! K tak. nope! Bukan sebab busy bercinta. Tapi tak jugak busy sebab belajar. Just bercinta buat IQ aku merudum rendah so idea pun tak banyak mencurah untuk menulis. So, siapa yang perlu dipersalahkan? Mestilah bukan pakwe aku, sebab aku sayang dia kot! (ceh poyo!) and bukan jugak aku, so aku nak salahkan hormon pebenda yang tengah mengalir dalam salur darah ni, plus, dah memang sikap manusia kan nak salahkan benda sekeliling kita instead of diri kita sendiri. Kan?

#np Yuna - Penakut

Kau pernah tak rasa terstuck kat dalam satu masa yang kau tak tahu diri kau siapa sebenarnya? Pernah tak kau rasa macam contoh, kau suka gilaaaa nak mampus tulis blog but now, kau dah tak minat? Kau tertanya memang masa yang buat diri kau dah tak minat menulis or memang diri kau sebenarnya bukan sesastera A Samad Said untuk jadi orang yang suka menulis? Or kau suka makan aiskrim masa kecik tapi bila dah besar dengan tiba tibanya kau tak suka aiskrim entah kenapa? Are you guys with me? Sep sikit!

Aku tak tahu lah maybe sebab aku dalam fasa umur 20 tahun which is dah sampai masa aku cari identiti sendiri or what but somehow buat masa ni aku cepat confuse dengan diri sendiri. Aku tak tahu yang aku ni sendiri macam mana orangnya. Baik? Garang? Lembut? Soft-hearted? Romantic? Outspoken? Ada stand sendiri? Entah. 

Kadang aku rasa aku ni baik sebab selalu lepak dengan member member yang muslimah ayu wassolehah, boleh join usrah, dengar talk itu ini. (Wait, don't jump into conclusion yang aku masuk bakul angkat sendiri or dah rasa diri ni baik dari orang lain. I'm speaking within and for myself. Aku tak compare dengan orang. Aku compare dengan diri aku yang kebiasaannya).  And kadang aku rasa aku terlalu ikut arus trend. Apa yang orang suka, aku nak suka. Izzemal pernah marah aku, sebab aku ajak dia tengok movie yang aku taktau pun movie tu pasal apa but aku nak tengok semata-mata sebab orang cakap movie tu best. Katanya, aku macam takde stand sendiri. From that moment, baru aku tahu satu kesalahan besar sebenarnya suka or buat apa yang orang lain buat. 

Ada satu kali, member muslimah ayu wassolehah aku introduce diri aku dalam kelompok usrah. Ohh nama dia Hajar :) Dia cakap aku.... apa entah dia cakap aku pun lupa. Cuma yang paling aku ingat is dia cakap aku ni misteri. Wth? Hahahahahaha dia sebut misteri, aku dah terbayang diri aku pakai serba hitam dengan hoodies and sunglasses and sedang duduk di satu penjuru di sebuah restoran sambil baca buku Cerpen by Khairulnizam Bakeri and minum coffee (sebab milo ais tak cukup hipster). K lah part yang suka duduk makan lepak seorang diri tu aku terima lah, tapi to label me as 'mystery' ahahahaha lawak petala keberapa ni???

K lah. Maybe betul apa yang Hajar nampak aku tu. Pandangan dia kan. Aku mana nampak diri aku macam mana. So yeah! Kadang aku rasa orang sekeliling aku lagi faham diri aku siapa berbanding diri aku sendiri, even aku selalu cakap konon orang lain tak faham aku padahal sebenarnya aku yang tak faham diri aku sendiri. This all lead at one point yang aku confuse and tertanya kenapa aku tak tahu diri aku ni macam mana? Apa yang aku nak sebenarnya? Diri aku yang sekarang ni memang diri aku ke? Ke segala behaviour yang aku buat just a mask to my actual self ke macam mana?

Aku rasa aku baik sebab join usrah, tapi kadang aku rasa macam tak baik sebab behaviour aku tak semuslimah ayu wassolehah. Aku rasa aku garang, tapi orang selalu cakap aku sweet. Kadang-kadang aku pun rasa aku sweet, suka poems, suka quotes tapi aku susah betul nak admit. Sebab ciri-ciri macam tu sangatlah tipikal dengan orang perempuan. And fyi, aku tak suka jadi perempuan tipikal, yang suka mengada-ngada bermanja, gertak sikit nak menangis. So, aku tak serlahkan bakat sweet and romantic aku ke khalayak. Certain orang je tahu ehehe. Instead, aku surround kan diri aku dengan tweet perli perli perempuan yang jenis mengada ni. Tak tahu kenapa but bila buat macam tu, aku rasa macam 'excuse me bitch! I'm not like you who got face with no brains' punya feeling. 

But deep inside, aku still seorang perempuan. Yang ada rajuknya on certain masa. (Siot geli betul taip benda ni haha) Yang kadang bila call parents pun boleh mengalir air mata walaupun aku tengah wish birthday diorang, bukannya birthday aku pun. Ye, hati sutera aku ni. Yang tak boleh kawal emosi and pms yang tak berkesudahan. (ye, perempuan pms 24 jam sebenarnya. baru tahu?) Yang suka sangat sebenarnya bila ada orang bagi love notes kat aku, or conteng kertas aku say 'goodluck :)'. By mouth, I would say those things are really cheesy but seriously, sebenaanya aku suka. Ye lah, aku ni sentimental sebenarnya kakaka. Tapi lately aku jarang bergiat aktif dalam aktiviti sweet romantic romantic ni. Konon nak kentalkan hati, kuatkan jiwa. Tapi bila fikir balik, this is really not me. So, aku nak jadi yang mana satu sebenarnya ni?

Cerita eksklusif

(Ni aku kongsikan sikit cerita aku dengan harapan izzemal takde lah rajin nak baca post ni, amiin haha)

Aku dengan izzemal. Waaayyyyyyyy waaayyy waaayyyy different. Aku orang mainstream, dia budak indie, rock band, gig. Dia ada album Hujan siap autograf lagi. Aku emm baru download spotify and jadi premium members yang boleh download banyak lagu dengan 15hinggit/month which is berbaloi lah bagi aku. Dia suka outdoor, aku ermm lemah sikit lah outdoor outdoor ni. Kasut sukan aku pun baru je beli tu. Dia suka novel-novel fixi. Aku, takat Hlovate yang dah terkubur dah nama sekarang. Dia skaters, pakai sneakers. Aku? Flat shoes ballerina or bentuk kasut yang ala ala mary jane shoe tu (yang izzemal akan buat muka pelik bila nampak aku nak beli kasut macam tu sambil bertanya "pakai kasut ni dengan baju apa?"). Dia minat bakcpacking. Aku suka vacation mana mana tempat asalkan dengan orang yang aku sayang, and aku berpijak pada Bumi nyata yang aku belum mampu untuk travel jauh jauh ke Dubai bagai macam curator curator @twt_backpacker tu. 

TAPI

Somehow aku sangat rasa tercabar sebab dia tak pernah bagi aku chance untuk aku belajar benda-benda yang dia suka. Mungkin dia ada je bawak aku pergi konsert Jom Heboh or Festival Belia yang ada lah jugak band band indie. Mungkin dia ada je bagi aku dengar album Hujan dalam kereta (yang aku rasa best jugak sebenarnya Hujan ni). And mungkin dia ada je bawak aku pergi kedai I Am Lejen kat SS15 untuk aku expose kan diri dengan buku-buku fixi. Tapi, dia tak pernah cerita band indie ni nama apa, lagu yang diorang nyanyi tu lagu apa, kalau nak beli album tu dia selalu beli kata mana, or buku KL Noir yang dia pernah baca tu sebenarnya antara buku indie yang best (Dia just cakap buku tu from underground author yang time tu aku malas nak tanya banyak underground author tu apa sebab bila tanya dia akan cakap "alahh kalau cerita pun bukan you tahu") Yes, aku tercabar. Sebab dia macam look at me and kind of impression yang macam "engko bukannya suka pun benda yang aku suka ni. so, takyah tahu lah ekk" Izzemal, sorry for saying this hahaha just expressing my thoughts and feelings dear kakaka. 

Tu aku cuba buat benda yang dia suka. Belajar dunia dia. Aku buat list lagu lagu indie yang aku nak dengar. Beli buku-buku fixi and baca. Tak lagi ber perangai sweet sweet diabetes yang aku biasa buat. But, now, for now, aku macam rasa aku bukan diri aku. Aku hilang diri aku. Aku tak tahu aku buat benda ni semua sebab aku suka or sebab orang lain suka or semata sebab nak impress izzemal. 

Kadang kita mengaku hanya kita je yang kenal diri kita siapa? Engko yakin? Dah tu, kenapa orang pakai dress, kau pun suka pakai dress even at first kau rasa dress tu nampak macam orang mengandung kepada si pemakai? Kenapa kau malu nak mengaku yang kau ni suka dengar lagu jiwang dari dengar lagu Avicii? Kenapa kau nak bangkang satu perkara sedangkan deep inside kau tahu benda tu sebenarnya perlu disokong? Sebab orang lain semua bangkang, so kau perlu bangkang. Kau tak suka orang cerita pasal kahwin padahal kau pun suka cerita pasal kahwin. Macam tu?

Setelah bertafakur dan muhasabah diri seketika di tikar sejadah after solat, macam macam aku fikir. Siapa aku sebenarnya ni? Betul ke ini yang aku nak? Aku ni sure hidup dalam kehidupan seorang Aqilah Rosli? Ke aku hidup atas kebergantungan orang lain untuk mengatur hidup aku?

And yup, aku sikit demi sikit dapat jawapan. Even bukan semua. Aku rasa kita semua tak salah untuk try semua benda. Even benda tu sebab orang suka, kita suka. Sebab mostly dalam hidup ni, benda yang kita suka tu, mesti ada pencetus kenapa kita suka eg. orang introduce kat kita pasal lagu tu, then kau dengar then memang kau rasa best. Kecuali hal ehwal cinta, haa benda ni pelik sikit. Kau akan suka benda yang kau tak tahu kenapa kau suka, even kadang buat kau menyampah, tapi kau still suka jugak and takkan lepas. Jadah kan hormon oxytocin ni.

At our age ni, memang patut pun kita try semua benda. Orang takde hak pun nak label kau hipster kalau kau ikut do something yang orang lain pun buat. Orang lain takde hak pun nak label kau cool if kau ada pendirian sendiri konon nak jadi rare dari orang lain. Orang lain takde hak pun nak cakap kau noob sebab tak tahu satu satu benda. 

And in the same time, kau kena set kan satu borderline yang pisah kan personaliti sebenar kau and karakter eksperimentasi yang kau tengah cuba explore. Dalam behavioural science yang aku belajar pun, 

John Locke proposed theory of blank slate (tabula rasa) which states that people are born with  minds empty of ideas. Knowledge and ideas are only formed after gaining exposure to the outside world. Basically, it states that everyone starts as a 'blank slate' only to have their minds formed through personal experience. 

So, there. Kita sebenarnya takde spesifikasi on personality kita. Semua boleh berubah. In a blink of eyes or sepanjang penajajahan that damn Israel kat Palestin tu. Semua bergantung kat exposure kau. And depends on you, sir, yes yourself to select which personality are you in. However, 2 benda kau kena consider personality tu kau patut kekalkan dalam diri or tak:-

1. Kau happy dengan apa yang kau buat even orang lain menyumpah seranah membahan mempangkah kau tak berkesudahan.

2. Benda yang kau buat tu tak memudaratkan diri kau sekarang, dan akan datang (termasuk akhirat :) alahh nak jadi muslimah ayu wassolehah sikit pun tak boleh)

And bila menrefleksikan diri aku balik 5-6 tahun lalu, diri aku yang dulu bukanlah aku yang sekarang. Diri aku yang 5-6 tahun lepas dibentuk oleh family and rakan sebaya kakaka. Well, I like most of it. But some, ada yang aku tinggalkan. And aku cuba maintain personaliti yang aku suka tu sebab aku rasa itu yang melambangkan Aqilah Rosli, yang sweet, yang suka buat lawak bangang (ini genetik ayah) and suka ketawa macam pontianak mengilai. And for now, aku still mencari identiti aku. Expose kan diri dengan semua benda and FILTER. Perlu sentiasa mengingatkan diri aku, siapa aku sebenarnya. Sebab takde siapa yang boleh buat kau happy selain diri kau sendiri, and Allah. 

A suka Cadbury, then Cadbury ada DNA khinzirun. Orang tak makan Cadbury dah. Cadbury dah disahkan halal, A pun taknak lah makan Cadbury sebab orang still tak makan. A cakap Toblerone lagi sedap dari Cadbury even 20 tahun dia hidup dengan Cadbury. A makan Toblerone, tapi deep inside, A rindukan Cadbury. 

Love,

Aqilah Rosli