9th Ramadhan 1435H

Assalamualaikum and greetings :)

Salam 9th Ramadhan! How was your iman? How was your nafs so far? Mine were okay. Just need to control from time to time. 

Alhamdulillah I was given the chance to live, to learn, to repent. Succeed to perform qiyam and subuh prayer with my housemate.

Nothing much interesting today. And oohh I skipped a review session today. Haha. The actual plan is to take an-hour nap from 7-8. Hajar woke me up at 8 but then I got back to sleep and when I woke up again, it's already 11.09. The review session started at 11. So, sodaqallahulazim. Hahahaha. Surprisingly, none of my housemate went for the session. Haha. We are truly united aite? Haha.

Ohh today we were having iftar together with all the powerpuff ladies (my girls). Hajar was going to make Rendang! Yummayhhh. So, I helped her doing some kitchen stuffs, while listening to Hari Raya songs. I know, I know it's not Raya yet but I love the air of doing things with housemate, music fills the air, and so with our love too :)

We laughed and laughed. This evening just now, we performed our maghrib prayer together, had pleasure with our own food, and yes love again filled the atmosphere. Ohh and we celebrate Syaira's birthday too! At one moment during all the crowds and laughter here and there, I found a moment which I feel I was in somewhere else. I was reflecting the situation to God.

Isya' prayer seems okay until Ros recited a du'a;

"...ya Allah ampunkalah dosa-dosa kami....ya Allah janganlah Engkau pesongkan hati kami sesudah Engkau berikan hidayah kepada kami..."

Swooosshhhh!!!! I broke into tears. For now, I never asked much. I just pray that God keep this one heart, and never let it go astray. Because if it's not due to His blessings, I would be with those yang rugi.

I enjoyed doing tarawih with my girls. At the end of our tarawih, we asked for forgiveness to each other. That 'I'm-in-somewhere-else' moment strikes again and I feel like I don't deserve all of these. I don't deserve good friends cause I am not one. I don't deserve happy moments cause I didn't appreciate one, I don't deserve for God's blessings and peace cause I didn't seek one. I don't deserve anything.

When I hugged Syaira, she said "..thank you Qila. Allah bagi you masa yang tepat" swwoosshhhhh river of tears flow right away. Damn! I hate to cry in front of them. Aaaaaaaaa 

Puisi untuk Tuhan;

Layakkah aku?
Untuk dapat petunjuk itu, setelah berkali-kali aku berpaling pada-Mu?
Layakkah aku?
Untuk dapat keampunan itu, setelah berkali-kali aku ulang dosa itu?
Layakkah aku?
Untuk dapat kekuatan itu, setelah diri ini sering angkuh?
Layakkah aku?
Untuk dikurniakan sahabat yang bawa aku dekat pada-Mu, setelah berkali-kali diri ini dijauhkan dari sisi-Mu?
Layakkah aku?
Untuk berdiri di kalangan mereka, kerana aku tidak sedikit pun seperti mereka?
Layakkah aku?
Untuk sampai ke syurga-Mu, walaupun diri ini sering berkelakuan seperti ahli neraka?
Layakkah aku?
Untuk dapat kasih sayang-Mu, setelah berkali-kali sayang ini dicurah ke tempat lain?

Today's tafsir;
"Yusuf berkata: Wahai Tuhanku! Penjara lebih aku sukai dari memenuhi ajakan mereka. Dan jika Engkau tidak hindarkan daripada tipu daya mereka, tentu aku akan cenderung (memenuhi keinginan mereka) dan tentulah aku termasuk orang yang bodoh.

Maka, Tuhan memperkenankan doa Yusuf, dan Dia menghindarkan Yusuf dari tipu daya mereka. Sesungguhnya Dialah yang Maha Mendengar lagi Maha Mengetahui" (Yusuf:33-34)

Love,

Me, myself and God.